1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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