he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
