the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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