well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
