there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pappa wants mamma naked
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
two words...techno handjob
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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