Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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