people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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