So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
