You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
