Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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