You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize