This is not my ceiling
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
