So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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