I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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