Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize