I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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