saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize