After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my poor anus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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