..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
