One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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