And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
