I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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