I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
