watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize