I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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