whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize