Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
