Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
