My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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