btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
