apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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