I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
