My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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