Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
