now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
