Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
