I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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