I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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