this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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