She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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