hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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