I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
