I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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