Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
