Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
barbara walters just said penis...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
