Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
