you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
