I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
