She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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