he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
