god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
