I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
