When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
