Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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