fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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