If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
