you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
