You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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