break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
