I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
