Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
