I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
