The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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