I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
