Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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