I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
