You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
