Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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