Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
