Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
